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Post by Harrison "Harry" Prewett on Aug 11, 2012 17:29:21 GMT -5
"I'll treat them like adults, but that doesn't mean I'll trust that they won't screw up," Harry sighed, "I don't trust these fighters here in Britain either. The Order, The Ministry, I don't trust anyone to not screw up, because it's human nature to screw up. And if I just let them have my back, how do I know they won't stab me in the back? That's happened a fair few times before." He still was bitter how Dumbledore just let him have little information on where all the Horcruxes were. He left him unprepared for what was to come, and just let him risk his life. But he still respected the deceased old man.
"I-I am not doubting myself!" Harry said, actually lying to her and himself about it.
"I didn't come from the best background myself. My family hated me, and my cousin always tried to beat me up. I didn't have anywhere to escape to. While I didn't need student aide, I always felt that all I could do was try, until I managed to do things one after another. Now I'm not saying that you're background was like mine, I bet yours was worse, but what you need is self-confidence." Something he had been lacking a lot lately. He still put on the face of being confident.
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Anelisa Taelyn Lafayette
Adult
Employee at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes
If we can't find where we belong, we'll have to make it on our own.
Posts: 170
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Post by Anelisa Taelyn Lafayette on Aug 11, 2012 17:37:50 GMT -5
"Because I know those kids, and they don't take failure well. I'm not saying they won't screw up; everyone screws up. I'm saying that they'll do everything in their power to help you. Have a little faith in people; you'll be pleasantly surprised," she advised.
Geez, conversations like these reminded her that she was closer to thirty than twenty. She really got to feeling old a lot, lately...
"Oh, now you're lying! And you're not even lying well!" she scolded.
She hesitated when he brought up his background and decided that it was only fair that she told him hers.
"My parents were violent drunks. Can't tell you how many times I got beaten, how many bottles got thrown at me, while I was growing up. I pretty much raised my sister. Money was always tight when I was growing up. In a situation like that, you kind of grow up fast. I've had to work really hard to get to where I am now, which isn't that great of a place, either, but it's improvement. And as long as I keep improving, I know that things can't stay horrible forever. Self-confidence gets you nowhere if your outlook on everything is pesimisstic."
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Post by Harrison "Harry" Prewett on Aug 11, 2012 17:54:12 GMT -5
"I tried once. It blew up in my face, almost literally," Harry said bitterly. Bad memories. Bad war. A lot of betrayal, and a lot of people he could never trust, or they would have to earn his trust. He hated all of it. The war, the death, the betrayal, the everything. Why couldn't it have just ended? Why could he have just escaped it all through death? Fate was a cruel thing.
"I-I am not lying! Why would I doubt myself? I am an accomplished person who has been a hero to many from where I am from, and... and I've always come through for them, well most of the time I have," Harry said taken aback at her calling him out with his lying. And he was still lying to himself. He hated himself. He hated that he couldn't save the three most important people to him.
"It's gotten me this far, even if everyone tells me I'm being pessimistic," Harry shrugged in response.
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Anelisa Taelyn Lafayette
Adult
Employee at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes
If we can't find where we belong, we'll have to make it on our own.
Posts: 170
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Post by Anelisa Taelyn Lafayette on Aug 11, 2012 18:04:21 GMT -5
"If you spend your life worrying about who will betray you, you'll never be able to relate to those that won't. Not everyone is bad; not everyone's going to hurt you. And sometimes, even the ones that do are worth the effort it'll take to rebuild the relationship. You can't be a good leader if you can't trust the people you lead to do what they have to," she pointed out.
She gave him an incredulous look as if to ask if he was seriously still trying to lie to her. He wasn't a good liar. He needed to stop.
"You're a bad liar. Hallmark of an honest person. You don't live where I have and not learn to read people," she reminded him. "You do doubt yourself. You don't think that, when it comes down to it, you'll be able to pull through."
She wrinkled her nose distastefully.
"Being pessimistic will never get you far," she insisted. "A healthy dose of optimism is needed to inspire enough hope to keep you going."
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Post by Harrison "Harry" Prewett on Aug 11, 2012 18:17:53 GMT -5
"People have to earn my trust. Those I lead, I trust. Well most of them I do. Then again, a fair amount of them are my family, who I pretty much grew up with after I came to Hogwarts," Harry stated shaking his head, "I'll give them a chance, though. At the first sign of betrayal, if they show any, you should know that I am not as willing as Dumbledore is at giving people second chances."
He'd started like that, before all the shit hit the fan and things got serious. He wasn't like Dumbledore. He would never again give second chances.
"I've pulled through before, though," Harry muttered not having anything else as a good comeback. She really sounded like Hermione at this point. She was always getting onto him for not trusting in himself. Then she'd tell Ginny, and Ginny would get on his case. At least then he had them. He no longer had them. He really didn't think he'd pull through for others, because he let his wife and two best friends die. And then many others of his friends died. He knew war cost a lot of lives. But he wasn't ready to loose so many. Everyone he ever came close to, died. He couldn't save them. He couldn't save his parents, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Fred, Kingsley, Dudley, Ginny, Hermione, Ron, Dumbledore, Eliza, and many, many more.
"Everything always goes wrong, one should be prepared for it," Harry simply stated.
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Anelisa Taelyn Lafayette
Adult
Employee at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes
If we can't find where we belong, we'll have to make it on our own.
Posts: 170
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Post by Anelisa Taelyn Lafayette on Aug 11, 2012 18:28:32 GMT -5
"All I ask is that you give them a chance. You can be paranoid and still be fair; they've never given you a reason to not trust them, and they dropped everything to help you," she chided. "I'd be offended in their shoes."
"Now, did you pull through before or after you were finally honest?" she shot back.
God, she sounded like his mother. Scary thought. Lisa wasn't even sure that she'd be a good mother! Hell, Lisa wasn't even sure if she wanted to ever be a mother. She didn't think she'd trust herself with a baby. Not with the model of a mother that she'd had.
"But if you spend your entire life expecting everything to go wrong, you'll never enjoy anything," she replied cheekily.
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Post by Harrison "Harry" Prewett on Aug 11, 2012 18:45:47 GMT -5
"I'm past the point when I would actually care if I offended someone I don't really know," Harry shrugged. He didn't know them, and therefore didn't trust them. He would give them one chance, and one chance only to prove themselves trustworthy. And that didn't mean he'd give the whole organization a chance, he would give each of them a chance. Maybe it was stupid, but he thought of each them as individuals, and they could use that as an advantage to burn him multiple times.
"I-I... I suppose it's before," Harry admitted moving his view from his side to the floor.
He kept trying to stop comparing her to his old friends. Why was he doing that? Was he trying to find someone else to fill the holes they left when they died on him? It was their fault they died... no, it was his fault for being stupid.
"I'm past my years of enjoying stuff. I have a job to do, and I will do it," Harry stated.
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Anelisa Taelyn Lafayette
Adult
Employee at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes
If we can't find where we belong, we'll have to make it on our own.
Posts: 170
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Post by Anelisa Taelyn Lafayette on Aug 11, 2012 18:52:03 GMT -5
"But you have met some of them," she reminded him. "You've met Gabriel. You seem to know Eliza, who is involved with them by virtue of being the aunt to the children of Gabriel Cavaliere. If not Gabe, then wouldn't you care if you offended Eliza?"
She definitely would, and not just because she admired the younger woman. Lisa had developed a healthy fear of Eliza over the years of knowing her. Nasty temper on that one, not fun to fall afoul of.
"See? Exactly. If you're not honest with yourself, you'll never be honest with anyone else," she pointed out.
"That's not a very good outlook to have on life," she stated bluntly. "What do you do when that job is finished, exactly?"
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Post by Harrison "Harry" Prewett on Aug 11, 2012 18:59:35 GMT -5
"That's... that's different," Harry muttered thinking about Eliza. She was an old friend, but he couldn't say that she was an old friend, or anything because then she'd ask Eliza and Eliza would be confused and Analisa would think he was lying. "Eliza's a hero, to those where I am from. And Gabriel is dating my god-daughter." He didn't have connections to the others right...? Right? Well at least he didn't know about the others.
"But it's different. One looses confidence if they screw up so many times in a row, costing the lives of the ones they care about," Harry replied, not smiling nor frowning.
"Wait to die," Harry replied just as blunt as she had been.
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Anelisa Taelyn Lafayette
Adult
Employee at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes
If we can't find where we belong, we'll have to make it on our own.
Posts: 170
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Post by Anelisa Taelyn Lafayette on Aug 11, 2012 19:25:04 GMT -5
"You seem to know the Weasleys. What about George's girlfriend, Angelina? Oh, wait, right. You're British. I meant Pyre," she ammended. "I know, she's ditzy and silly most of the time, but she really does mean well."
Lisa rather liked Pyre, actually. She was a very pleasant girl to be around. She was also irreparably silly and a massive clutz, but it was all part of her charm. Pyre would be a very good mother one day, Lisa was sure.
"True. But the people you care about would be mad at you if they could see you now. Am I right?" she asked.
"Oh, that's lovely," she replied sarcastically. "You have a delightful life of alchoholism ahead of you."
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Post by Harrison "Harry" Prewett on Aug 11, 2012 19:37:32 GMT -5
"Wait, what?" Harry said incredulously, "You're saying that Angelina is... What!" George was with Angelina. And Angelina was... PYRE? And Pyre was part of CURIA? What was the world coming to? She had to be lying! She just had to! Harry was going to have a word with George about this girl, see if he though that too; to confirm this. He wasn't sure if he was going to believe it.
Harry knew Angelina, or as Analisa called her, Angelina. She was perfect for George, but she was part of Curia? Why hadn't he heard this before? Why did he not know this? Damn, he was such an idiot not getting the facts. That is... if Analisa was telling the truth...
"Maybe. They aren't here, and therefore what they would think doesn't matter, right now," Harry almost growled, not meaning to sound mean, but he didn't even want to think of what they all would say. Ginny, Ron, and Hermione would be pissed. Sirius and Remus would be disappointed, but he would defend himself, and tell them it was his choice, not theirs. And he hadn't seen Sirius for years, and almost lost everything he knew about the man. Harry didn't really know Sirius anymore. And Remus, he still didn't know very well anymore, even if he had seen him in this time. And Fred. And Tonks. And everyone else who died later this school year.
"I wouldn't resort to alcoholism. I've been ready to die for years and years. I'm positive I will die before my job is completely complete. My job does include raising my three children, and unless all three of them die before me, I will never not have a job," Harry returned.
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Anelisa Taelyn Lafayette
Adult
Employee at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes
If we can't find where we belong, we'll have to make it on our own.
Posts: 170
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Post by Anelisa Taelyn Lafayette on Aug 11, 2012 19:55:29 GMT -5
"Oh, dear, you didn't know...I'm sorry. The Italians have a tradition of changing their names after they're baptized. While she goes by Pyre while she lives in Britain, her official name is Angelina," she explained. "And, yes, she's dating George."
It was a relatively well-known practice in the Mediterranean, and the Italians weren't the only ones that did it, but she guessed that it made sense that he wouldn't know about it. Angelina was kind of a pet name for Pyre; she usually went by her birth name.
"Maybe it doesn't right now," she agreed. "But think about it later on. I think that if I was one of your dead loved ones, I would want you to remember me fondly and to live the life I didn't get to have instead of regretting me. You can't save everyone, Harry, no matter how much you want to."
She wasn't really put off by shows of hostility. Her younger sister and her friend Jared were both infamous for them. She was so used to it that she didn't even bat an eyelash anymore.
"And what about when your children have children?" she retorted. "There are still things that you have to live for that you'll be blinding yourself to if you spend your life waiting to die."
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Post by Harrison "Harry" Prewett on Aug 11, 2012 20:05:50 GMT -5
"W-what?" Harry said still disbelieving, having connected the dots quite well. He still wasn't going to believe it. This Pyre couldn't be Angelina! It just couldn't be! But then again... there was a lot about her that did add up with this Pyre being Angelina. "You... you can't be serious!"
He was really surprised, like... really really surprised. He didn't wan to believe it. George couldn't have... Angelina couldn't be... But he felt that it was. Analisa was right... Damn.
"It'd be your fault for leaving me. You could've stayed behind and not died. You could've not left me, and then I'd be happy," Harry replied clenching his fist, thinking about how it was their fault partly that they died. How it was part his fault. But if they hadn't gone into battle, then they wouldn't have died.
"My children can spread word to their children about me. They don't need a grandfather. I have things to live for, but I would be happier not being alive and watching them from above," Harry replied closing his eyes. He was already older than Sirius was when he died. He was older than his parents when they died. He was older than Severus Snape when he died. He was ready to die like them. It just didn't seem to be happening. Why couldn't Death just come and scoop him up like Death had with everyone else he cared most about (though he still cared about others alive right now).
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Anelisa Taelyn Lafayette
Adult
Employee at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes
If we can't find where we belong, we'll have to make it on our own.
Posts: 170
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Post by Anelisa Taelyn Lafayette on Aug 11, 2012 20:25:29 GMT -5
"Oh, I am. She's also a Metamorphagus, so she might change her appearance around you for laughs. I told you, she's silly," she reminded him. "She does things like that a lot. The first time I met her, she turned her hair a rainbow of purple to get on Gabe's nerves."
She missed hanging out with silly little Pyre, now that she was thinking of it. The girl was good at brightening up the mood; maybe this guy needed to meet her. He seemed like someone who could use a good laugh.
"How did they die?" she asked. "If you don't mind me asking."
"Harry, if you're not dead yet, then there's a reason that you're alive," she said softly. "You shouldn't waste that; life is a precious thing."
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Post by Harrison "Harry" Prewett on Aug 11, 2012 20:39:07 GMT -5
Yeah. That was her. "She does sound like quite a character," Harry said, smiling for the first time truly happy at remembering something. She wasn't dead in Harry's time. She hadn't left him. Angelina was definitely a pretty cool person, and someone he cared about. She was part of his family. His sister-in-law, and a very cheery person, who always seemed to raise his spirits, just like Fred and George back in this time.
"They... Two died in order to protect me. Several others died in an useless battle. And a my wife and a few of my best friends died in a battle which we had lost. Oh, and another died because she got a fever and there were a ton of internal injuries she hadn't gotten fixed, and it all killed her in the end," Harry said listing off the main battles. Sirius and Moody. Remus, Tonks, Fred. Ginny, Hermione, Ron. And then Eliza. He wished they hadn't died.
"To you life is a precious thing. To me it feels like a prison," Harry replied with a sigh.
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